Pathetic.

That is what I am.

Completely and utterly.

I am a useless person: no skills, no experience, no ability.

I live with people that I don't even know that well, or their motivations for having me there.

I hate myself.

I hate what I've become.

I hate.

There's two reasons something cold and sharp hasn't found me yet: Jenn and Lizzie.

These two amazing women are the only reason I continue to live.

Jenn is my Fiance whom I love unconditionally. There is quite literally nothing that she can do that will make me leave her.

Lizzie is my best friend and like a little sister to me. I love her on the same level as Jenn.

Both are equally important to me.

And I can't even afford Christmas presents this year.

Fuck, I want to just buy a gun and end all this bullshit.. all this pain.. all this suffering.. just end me.

Jenn... I'm not even sure Jenn loves me anymore. Sure, there's good days, but when she gets angry at me, which is often and my own fault, she really gets angry at me. Really, really angry. But it's my own fault, right? I mean, I make her angry, so I need to change what I'm doing to not make her angry at me.

Lizzie... I know through the internet. We're the best of friends... that a cold glass screen and a keyboard allow us to be. I love her like she were my flesh and blood... I just don't want to screw things up and have another person in the world hate me.

Of course... what else would a Pathetic waste of time like myself do BUT fuck up relationships with his only two people that care and worry about him?

I'm just that fucking pathetic.

Why couldn't I be a murder victim?